it's raining, it's pouring...

there's something nostalgically wonderful about being caught in the rain. it was delightful splashing around from puddle to puddle, feeling the raindrops squish against the thongs of my flip flops and in between my toes.

i miss those kiddy-like moments. perhaps i should consider making them more of a priority when i still have the time to enjoy it all.

freud would have really had a field day with this one...

now, i know that i've had some pretty weird and scary dreams in the past, but i think the one i had this morning was pretty high up there in terms of scary-factor:

this dream took place in the far future... and for some apparent reason which i couldn't quite figure out in the dream, robocop (yes, THE robocop) was chasing after my dad and i in an attempt to kill us in our very own house (which actually still pretty much looked the same as it does now, except completely in shambles due to post-robocop rampage). throughout most of the dream, my dad and i screamed at the top of our lungs as we ran through falling debris and down crumbling stairs, desperately trying to escape from the continuous lazer-bullet-type gunfire.

we had finally reached a safe haven behind these large steel crates (because for some odd reason, over the years we had accumulated a huge collection of them in our house), and took cover for a brief moment or two. suddenly my dad pulls out this gargantuan lazer-bullet gun and begins shooting directly at me, with a rather disturbingly cheery disposition on his face. blood was spurting everywhere, except, i just wouldn't die. being the genius that i was (and still am) i instantly figured out that it was my determination and perseverance to live that prevented me from dying (of course! ... *shaking head*) and instead of dying, i kept yelling and begging him to stop shooting at me. and magically out of the gunsmoke, a lazer-gun had miraculously found itself in my own grip, giving me the opportunity to shoot back at my dad, who also for some freak reason wouldn't die.

... and just when things couldn't have gotten any worse, my dad suddenly morphed into robocop himself.

the last time a dream had scared me to the point of tears was when i was 10. i had dreamt that my mother had turned into a buldozer-steamer-machine-shaped monster that was on a one-track mission to flatten me, and in the process, somehow managed to turn the rest of my family into blood-thirsty vampires. :oS

i remember waking up this morning in a cold sweat, frantically worrying while i checked my entire body for bullet-lazer wounds, tears continuously streaming from my eyes. i then hid under my blanket and forced myself to think of happy non-violent-robocop-affiliated things...

of course, after telling my parents about my dream this evening, it didn't help very much when my dad thought that it would be rather cute to pretend to shoot me with make-believe guns that he made with his fingers, complete with imitated lazer-sound accompaniment.

... to say the least, i found it pas drole. yeeesh.

a christian lounge? what a nifty idea!

in celebration of jacrise's 19th birthday, we found ourselves here:



it was your typical classy lounge setting, but with a heavy christian twist - a number of elements had to come into play in order to create a particular ambiance to the club atmosphere: 1) there was a pretty strict dress code in effect (no runners, no hats, no tank-tops for guys OR girls, and no frayed or torn jeans); 2) the bar only served a limited array of pop, juice, and water - whatever alcohol that *was* in sight was locked away behind the bar; and 3) (and most important and impactful) there was an amazing abundance of inspirational talent that overflowed onstage - a huge variety of music that covered everything from rap, to hip hop, to jazz, to latin groove, to spoken word, to reggae, to RnB, and of course, a whole lotta soul. being a first-timer, i wasn't disappointed at all - and unlike some clubs and lounges i've been to, it was actually worth the $10 cover charge :oP

originally, the whole concept of a "christian club/lounge" was something that i had slight reservations about, not really knowing what to expect out of it. but it was actually a welcomed change from the typical club/lounge environment i'm normally used to. right from the get-go you could immediately tell that this was not just an ordinary lounge. what really made all the difference was that before getting started with the show, the host initiated everyone in a word of prayer - definitely not something you'd normally see happen at an average lounge, but i appreciated everything that made the whole experience as unique as it was. the diversity in worship that each of the performers gave through their music was awesome, and it was actually pretty interesting to see people really move (yes, as in dance and get funky with their good selves ;oP) to christian music. even us girls were able to slip in a little salsa groove when the opportunity came :o) loved it!

surprisingly, one of the performers that was on the list was an extremely talented girl by the name of chisoni who was a fairly close high school friend of mine that i hadn't seen or kept in touch with for over 5 years. but just the same as in high school, her voice completely blew me away tonight. it was really nice to catch up.

'twas a great night for celebration, friendly fellowship, wonderful worship, feelin' the vibe, bopping the night away, reuniting with great people, and of course, making good use of my brand new digital camera by taking a crazy poop load of pictures :oP

highlights from tonight:


feelin' the groove


me and the birthday girl


the divas of woodlands: me and chisoni :oP


girls shot :o)


the we're-stuck-in-a-concrete-fence shot

what a funk-tastic night! *sigh* really, during times like these, all that's really left to say is, "i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat." ;oP

just because we could.

... poor bessy.

feels like co-op all over again... ish.

i spent the entire morning in downtown toronto, in a rather intense 3 hour-long interview, complete with a thorough group information session, a written grammar and scenario-based multiple choice/essay test which in turn may have actually short-fused a couple more brain cells than i would have liked; followed by a very detail-specific one-on-one session.

usually, i can tell a bad interview from a good interview. but for some reason i felt that things ended off on a slightly ambiguous note this afternoon, leaving me with a series of mixed emotions as i exited the building - a concoction of feelings that led me to second-guess this whole decision to go to japan. but i suppose we'll see what happens in a week or so.

... and so the waiting game begins.

estelle gonzales: from graduand to graduate...

another chapter is over. another blog begins.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

today was convocation. sitting patiently in my chair for 3 grueling hours of speeches and a couple hundred students receiving their degree before me gave me ample time to reflect on the 5 year-long journey that is - now was - my undergrad career at the university of waterloo.

i remebered first setting foot on university campus 5 years ago, as a very naive, bright-eyed and vulnerable frosh with the bittersweet taste of newly-given independence in my mouth. i had embedded in my mind that attending university would allow me the opportunity to re-invent myself... but while sitting there among the other graduates this afternoon, i realized that my university years didn't really give much room for re-invention, but rather gave me the 5-year chance to define and even more so refine what was already there to begin with.

to believe that it's all come to a close now seems somewhat surreal - even till now, a significant part of me hasn't completely come to terms with all the hoopla just yet. and as much as i hate to admit it, i know i'll miss waterloo - everything from the amazing friends i've made, to the inspirational profs who actually took the time to encourage and push me to the limit, along with the nazi-like profs that scared the heebeegeebees out of me (names will not be mentioned, but most of you know who i'm talking about! all i can say is that i will never read thomas hardy the same way again! :oS); to even the familiar poo-scent that gives waterloo its unmistakable character - all of it will always be a part of me.

... and yes, even the drama ;o)

initially, the thought of attending convocation didn't strike me as something i wanted to do on my on free will (originally, my mom wanted it more than i did :oP). but i'm actually pretty glad that i went. and hey, 'twas a great feeling to know that the blood, sweat, and tears that were shed during all those all-nighters writing essays and reading over a plethora of poems, epic novels, shakesperean plays, post-colonial wonderment, and critical theories were actually all worth something in the end. :o)

so after all that's been said and done in the past 5 years of my undergrad career at waterloo, i let out a huge sigh of relief and look forward to embracing the uncertainty that will unfold after today.

hats off to the graduating class of 2005! :o)