a little appalled...

in all my years of being romantically challenged, many a time have i been rejected based on the following self-attributes: style, appearance, weight, attraction, being *sligtly* outspoken, (lack of) height, etc...

these things i consider petty.

but he just took *one* look at my picture, and couldn't even see past my ethnicity.

until now, never have i thought that my being "asian" could automatically label me as "unappealing". it's unbelievable how some people can seem so wise about the world, and yet be so closed-minded about it at the same time.

the last time i checked, we were living in the 21st century - the world is supposed to be at our doorstep.

i guess *some* people just need to get out more.

age defying? olay's got nothin' on me :oP

the sudden look of shock on my co-workers' faces amuses me each time i tell them i'm a lot older than i look.

i mean, seriously people... 18? puh-lease.

i at *least* look 19! :oP

do you hear the people sing?

just came back from a night on the town with the ever-so-lovely miss joannie tsoi, and spent the past few hours being completely dazzled by an absolutely breathtaking performance of Les Miserables at the Princess of Wales Theatre in TO. the harmonies were vehemently chilling to the point where i was just awestruck. and though it was my second time seeing it, i left the theatre just as amazed as i was after the first time i saw it over 10 years ago, goosebumps and all - but this time around, i was able to sing along to every single bar of the musical score. :oD needless to say, i loved every minute of it!

it truly blows me away how a single voice can have the dynamic ability to stir up so much emotion - and when combined with other voices that are just as powerful, it can easily be the most beautiful and majestic sound your ears could ever have the pleasure of being exposed to.

*sigh* and as if everything wasn't as spectacular enough, there was a surprisingly large number of attractive young male performers throughout the show. :oP it was rather amusing when the fine-looking fellow who played marius first walked onstage and all that joannie and i could do was blink and let out a unanimously smitten deep and breathy "...whoa" in response. there's just something about a guy who can sing - and i'm not talking about just being able to carry a tune, but actually be able to carry his voice the point where it sounds as smooth as freshly whipped buttah *double sigh* :oP man... perhaps i should reconsider teacher's college and audition for musicals instead. :oP

i'm such a shmuck for musical enlightenment, and tonight was definitely full of shmuck wonderment. 'twas a fabulous night indeed - one of fantastic music, many good laughs, and most importantly, i was with fabulous company. not even the rain and chilly weather could dampen our moods. :o)

hopeful.

After all that we've been through,
I know we're cool...

sometimes all it takes is a 30-minute conversation to realize that perhaps the idea of a "happily ever after" isn't as far out of my grasp than i originally thought - even if the context of it *has* managed to shift dramatically over the years.

here's to hoping.
here's to the reconstruction of burnt bridges.

here's to grossbeak. :o)

since i've last blogged...

1. i lost my internet privileges for the past couple of weeks, as bell sympatico unexpectedly failed to notify us that our account expired in august... yeesh. as a result, we failed to notify *them* that we decided to switch to rogers instead. :oP

2. after 3 weekends and 60 hours of intense learning, i am finally tesl certified, and dang proud of it. :o)


me, deanna, christina: tesl certified, baby!

3. i celebrated thanksgiving without the turkey, but made up for it by spending the day with my cousins at al ferri's apple farm in sweet home ala-brampton. even until now my house is still abundantly full of apple goodness; everything from apple tea to apple butter. mmmmmm... apples.


aboard the apple tractor with my cousins


... and you wonder why she's my favourite :o)

4. i've had the pleasant opportunity to play tour guide to the wonderful miss autumn hulke who dropped by for a 5-day visit from the desert lands of arizona. together, we caused nothing but wholesome ruckus around the GTA, niagara falls, and picked a few *more* apples along the way.


me and autumn: on the glass floor of the cn tower


me and autumn at niagara falls: gotta love a man in uniform... even if he *is* only made out of plastic... :oP

5. to relieve myself of even more financial strain, i've allowed myself to be sucked into the wonderful world of retail, and have established the split-identity of part-time sales girl by day and core teacher by night.

6. the process of applying for teacher's college has reached a plateau and the hunt for references finds me playing the waiting game once again. applications are still in the process of being done, and i seem to be drowning in supplementary application bliss/procrastination more and more as time continues to fly by.

7. i've noticed myself growing a little more tired at the end of each week, but with His sustaining grace, i continue to humbly embrace the busy-ness and healthy chaos that each day brings.

8. i am slowly coming to accept the fact that my days of "nocturnal-dom" are numbered. sleep is just far too precious to waste these days. :oP

it's okay speedy, i still remember you.

an excerpt taken from an earlier in-class conversation between me and valerie, one of my core students...

valerie: estelle, what's your last name?
me: gonzales.
valerie: (confused look) what?
me: gonzales... you know, like speedy.
valerie: (no comment)
me: as in, speedy gonzales?
valerie: (confused look with the addition of a furrowed brow) who's that?
me: what? speedy gonzales! the cartoon mexican mouse with the sombrero?! (complete with on-the-spot bodily gestures for "mexican mouse" and "sombrero")
valerie: ... i don't know who that is. (shakes her head)
me: *sigh* nevermind.
valerie: why?
me: i'm afraid speedy's way before your time.
valerie: what? you're not that old though. you're in your twenties.
me: *double sigh* yes. i know.

for the first time in my entire 24 years on this earth, i actually felt old. here i was, thinking that it was such a ridiculously huge deal for this young girl not to know who speedy gonzales was, even more so not have the slightest clue of what a looney tune was. and at the same time, valerie was probably thinking that her teacher was slightly insane in the membrane (which probably wasn't too far from the truth, especially with the improvised one-man freak show i displayed today).

ack!

*sigh* october...

while enjoying some quality time with my family in the comfort of our living room, i couldn't help but notice the empty spot on the sofa and the overwhelming imbalance of estrogen in the atmosphere.

and for the first time in a long while (though a part of me is reluctant to admit it), i found myself really missing my younger brother tonight.