riding in my funk-mobile.

"Welcome to the real world",
she said to me condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams
of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

-- from John Mayer's "No such Thing"

recently, my life appears to be in stationary position. it's weird. not having to do anything "planned" or routine during the week has made me rather slothy and antsy all at the same time. usually around this time of year, if i wasn't in school, i would be working, or if it wasn't that, i'd be happily travelling to some far distant lands; or doing anything related to... movement.

but since i've finished teachers college in may, and have also managed to finish my esl qualification course in june; i feel july has somehow left me at a standstill; mental pictures casting me in front of some typical lowly western backdrop with a couple of tumbleweeds rolling by, only to mock me of their ability to be in motion. and knowing that for some reason puts me in a place of uncomfortable vulnerability. to be "free" and literally have nothing planned in the next couple of months places me a bit outside of my comfort zone, and though i've found myself many a time craving this same emancipation from all those routine-related things mentioned above; now that i have it, i'm not sure what to do with it. of course, i could always keep looking for a job for september, which has probably been one of the few consistent (not to mention frustrating) things i've been doing since may; but one can only stare at a website and update resumes and cover letters for so long.

reading my past blogs (simply because i now have time on my hands to do so), it seems that there was a lot more to be said about my life. from the people to everyday happenings, life on the whole seemed a lot more adventurous, interesting and ... "bloggable." what happened?! yet, despite this pesudo-rant, i have told myself over and over again that i will not succumb to the common bitterness that many people feel as they get older or when they realize that they have reached a point in their lives where they have absolutely no idea what to make of themselves. but it ain't easy, i'll tell you that much.

there are probably a number of other contributing factors to my current pesudo-rant/ramble - one of them having been playing one too many rounds of the waiting game. but just to make it clear that i haven't totally been stripped of my optimism, i haven't lost all hope that i could easily stumble across a few adventure-esque moments in the next couple of months (guitar lessons and road trips being a very strong possibility :OP). if there's one thing i do know, it's that eventually, like many other funks before this one, this too shall pass (a common theme for me this year) and obla di obla da life goes on brahhh... lala how the life goes on.