is it a wee or a poo?

so far, so good.

2008-01-19T17:44:00.000-05:00

*happy sigh*

2008, you sure know how to make a girl feel welcome :oP

19 days into the new year and this is where life finds me:

blessed.
in love.
newly employed.
delightfully humbled.
kickin' it old school and writing in my journal again.

wooot. wooot, indeed. :oD

apples and onions, indeed.

2007-11-02T01:56:00.001-04:00

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

...

My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open...

-- from Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love"

a special and very amused thank-you shout to tess for sending me this song - it couldn't have come at a better time... :oP - and you're totally right. this sooo would have been my mmc solo LOL!

sweet november. i am happy - how long this will last, i have absolutely no idea; but the fact that this feeling is very much evident in my life right now has given me hope for new beginnings and perhaps just a whole different perspective on love and life. it's rather exhilarating, really - and according to my friends who know me well enough to notice, for the past couple of weeks i've been walking around with a little more pep in my step, appearing to be radiantly glowing of joyful brilliance.

... sometimes all a girl really wants to know is that she's worth it: worth the risk, worth the fight, worth the pursuit, worth believing in, worth the wait; and of course, worth being accepted and appreciated for being exactly who she is, "wobbly bits" and all - no more, no less.

surprisingly in my 26 years of being on this earth, i never really had a genuine opportunity to experience that - until tonight. and though a huge part of me is ridiculously terrified to once again find myself shaking hands with vulnerability, an even bigger part of me is quite excited to watch yet another life-chapter unfold before my very eyes...

a slight faith-kick in the pants...

2007-10-23T01:27:00.001-04:00

I say no to the discouragement that keeps me down
I say no to the things that keep me back from You
And this broken heart inside of me
Broken in so many pieces
By so many circumstances
I say no to just letting it stay that way
Because I'm learning to trust that it's not You that hurt me
I'm learning to believe that it's not You that deserted me
I'm believing that You still love me
Brokenness and all
I'm believing that You've got a plan for me
I'm believing that You will restore me
I believe that You will awaken my soul
And let faith arise again...

-- from Jason Upton's "Faith"

a little boy has seemed to have captured my heart. his name is jp, and he is currently staying at sick kids' hospital, courtesy of the "herbie foundation" - jp was diagnosed with a rare skeletal deformity which affects not only his facial features, but also gives him difficulty in seeing and breathing to name a few; frequently undergoing grueling surgery after grueling surgery in order to help correct it all. he's been visiting our church with his family over the past few months now, and every time i see him, my heart completely overflows. it is absolutely ridiculous how contagious his joy is; how so much delight and wonderment could exude from his little body, and i always find myself wondering where all that amazing energy and enthusiasm is coming from.

and the moment he quietly unexpectedly places his hand in mine, all of my own worries and insecurities about all things life-related just suddenly burst into confetti.

for the past couple of months, i've been frustrated, disappointed and even feeling somewhat defeated by my constant struggle of finding full-time employment and/or simply not knowing what "plan b" is. however, after checking my e-mail tonight and seeing pictures of this boy who has to endure a lot more than i will probably ever experience in my lifetime; my problems seem rather petty and small... it's a humbling feeling, but one that i believe to be long overdue in its arrival. if this young boy can still reflect exuberant joy despite his own life-challenges, who am i really to mope and complain about my own idleness and uncertainty when there is still so much of life to be truly thankful for?

yes, i may feel broken, but as i always remind myself in every funk that i find myself in, "this too shall pass." somewhere, there is beauty that lies deep beneath the cracks. and as that beauty starts to push through that darkness and into the light, my faith will rise up again...

just another day at oxford learning...

2007-09-26T23:11:00.000-04:00

at the end of class, while going over lesson re-call with one of my grade 1 students and my education director...

education director: okay, before you leave, tell me what you worked on today with miss estelle.
student: the "short u" sound.
education director: could you give me a word that has the "short u" sound?
student: um... "up"
education director: great! how about a word that has the "short u" sound in the middle?
student: uh... (looks pensively around the room) "truck."
education director: can you give me a word that rhymes with "truck?"
student: (innocently without absolutely no hesitation whatsoever) "fuck."

(insert the sound of our jaws dropping to the floor in total shock here)

in my head: that was soooo NOT part of our lesson today!
education director: (after a couple of minutes) ... do you think you could maybe think of a *nicer* word that rhymes with "truck?"
student: (pauses) uh... "suck?"
education director: (blinking twice) okay then... (closes the book) i think that's all for now.

unknowingly the dad of this precious little boy had come early to pick him up and had heard the lesson re-call from outside of the classroom. he walked in sheepishly and couldn't help but notice the level of slight awkwardness that lingered in the room. like the both of us, he was just as confused as to where his son was picking it up from, and was sure that he probably didn't understand the profanity that was associated with *that* word... apparently in their language, the word "fuck" actually means "i do," which made some sense as to why my student was so naturally inclined to say it without anything holding him back... oy.

of course, we should have totally seen it coming. yeeeesh.

a blog about hair.

2007-09-06T14:37:00.000-04:00

hair. we all have it; some of us *used to* have it but in any case, most of us know what it feels like to have a great coiffe of hair on your head. a bit over a month ago, after the dude butchered my hair (as mentioned on my july 26, 2007 blog), i had a glimpse of what samson must have felt like after delilah cut it all off - mind you, i may not have lost my super-strength, but a huge part of me had fallen with the chunks of hair that fell to the floor on that sad, sad day in july; and to be honest, i didn't feel quite the same after that... and even after a month of getting that haircut, i still winced at the sight of my uneven ponytail that clearly showed that one side was much longer than the other... yikes.

today, i decided to muster up all my inner strength and what was left of my self-esteem and decided to go back where it all started; except, with a new hairdresser. she was lovely, and took amazing care of me, to the point where she even fought to give me the cut for free because of the travesty that previously was my hair - now if that ain't customer service, i dunno what is :oP. and now, everything is layered the way it should be, the bangs fall the way they're supposed to, and by golly, she thankfully used a LIP BRUSH instead of an EYE SHADOW brush when touching-up my lip gloss.

today is a new day, indeed. and for those of you reading this, amused by my need to blog about a simple haircut gone bad and think i'm either absolutely bored with myself, or have gone cuckoo for cocoapuffs; that *may* be so, but i invite you to step into my shoes during what had happened just this past month, and *then* tell me how actually absurd i am :oP

notes to self: (1) it actually *is* okay to complain when the occasion arises - no matter HOW attractive any hairdresser can be. after all, at the end of the day, they're still going to be attractive while YOU'RE the one who has to deal with the bum haircut. (2) sometimes, you just gotta sit back and realize how truly amusing and blessed life can be :o)

happy day.

2007-08-29T02:01:00.000-04:00

even after several years, some things just never change. tonight, i came to appreciate this a great deal after reuniting with some quite phenomenal people who i feel greatly blessed to have as friends - a kind reminder that life really does exist outside the context of jobhunts and usual busy-ness.

it's been a long while since i could remember the last time i spent hours just laughing until my sides hurt and not having a single care in the world...

thank God for the beauty of friendship and for His perfect timing.

leave it to a meg ryan & tom hanks movie to inspire some life-reflection...

2007-08-10T00:11:00.001-04:00

and it all started with this quote:

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

-- Kathleen Kelly from You've Got Mail

i can hear the bells...

2007-08-09T17:42:00.001-04:00

currently listening to (again): the Hairspray movie soundtrack (2007)

how lovely would it be if life was just one huge musical... :o)

the consequences of getting a haircut and make-up done by a cute guy with a british accent...

2007-07-26T13:49:00.002-04:00

in need of a slight pick-me-up, i wanted to get a haircut that was considerably shorter than my now-then long locks; something that would be fun and appropriate for the remainder of the summer. the guy who cut my hair was new; relatively good looking, reminding me of a european soccer player - the fellow seemed well put together; he even had one of the nicest british accents i've ever had the pleasure of encountering. and so, i thought that he showed great potential; enough to trust my hair in his hands. however, after a 2-hour chopping session, i left the salon feeling similar to how i felt the day before grade 8 photo-day (which was NOT at all glamorous back then, for those of you wondering). when the poor bloke asked me if i liked what he had done to my hair, i actually didn't have the heart to tell him that i was a bit disappointed, simply because aside from the fact he was ridiculously attractive, he seemed to be having just as bad of a morning as i was and his instructor was already giving him a hard time about cutting my hair "one side longer than the other" and how it wasn't a "creative cut" :o(

poor guy. what probably made it worse for him was that he was then instructed to do my make-up touch-up - which he admitted was actually the first time he'd ever applied make-up in his life. i probably should have suggested that blush is only really supposed to go on the apples of the cheeks... i probably should have *also* told him that he was using an eye-shadow brush to apply gloss on my lips.

*sigh* well, can't really blame the guy for trying. besides, if hairstyling doesn't work out for him, he *could* have a potential career in soccer waiting for him in the future :oP

summerlicious.

2007-07-16T20:35:00.000-04:00

She's like a baby, I'm like a cat
When we are happy we both get fat...

-- from "Life in a Nutshell" by the Barenaked Ladies

we came, we saw, we ate... a lot :o)

once... again.

2007-07-16T00:28:00.000-04:00

currently the song in my head:

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now...

-- from "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (from the "Once" movie soundtrack and the album "The Swell Season")

earlier tonight, a conversation with a close friend who just had her heart broken reaffirmed how matters of the heart - even while in our 20s - can easily be just as awkward, difficult, confusing, yet just as amazing and even delightful as they were in our adolescent years - if not more...

*sigh*

motownphilly's back again!

2007-07-13T01:26:00.000-04:00

it seems that i didn't have to wait too long for the adventures to fall into my lap after blogging that last entry. yesterday evening i found myself on a spur-of-the-moment road trip to casino rama to see boyz II men in concert! tess unexpectedly had two 9th row tickets to spare (the bonus being that they were sold with a ridiculously good discount) and asked me if i was interested... umm chyeah?! boyz II men (along with many others) practically helped define my musical and social existance from pre-adolescence to the end of high school - not to mention that almost every song of theirs was somehow connected to each of the boys i *liked* while growing up (and there were many... lol).

and with that, we drove the 1 hour and 43 minutes it took to get there. to our dismay, and to tess' heartfelt disappointment, we arrived as the guys were finishing up "on bended knee" - however, the rest of the show was excellent and revived my nostalgia of the days of grade 7/8 dances, elementary and high school heart-flutters and heartaches... it was great. the show was a little on the short side - just 1 hour and a half; which was less than the time it took us to get there (lol); but nonetheless, good times, and great therapy for my funk'd-ified self.

the girls and i giddy after the concert on a mowtownphilly high :o)

riding in my funk-mobile.

2007-07-11T19:19:00.000-04:00

"Welcome to the real world",
she said to me condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams
of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

-- from John Mayer's "No such Thing"

recently, my life appears to be in stationary position. it's weird. not having to do anything "planned" or routine during the week has made me rather slothy and antsy all at the same time. usually around this time of year, if i wasn't in school, i would be working, or if it wasn't that, i'd be happily travelling to some far distant lands; or doing anything related to... movement.

but since i've finished teachers college in may, and have also managed to finish my esl qualification course in june; i feel july has somehow left me at a standstill; mental pictures casting me in front of some typical lowly western backdrop with a couple of tumbleweeds rolling by, only to mock me of their ability to be in motion. and knowing that for some reason puts me in a place of uncomfortable vulnerability. to be "free" and literally have nothing planned in the next couple of months places me a bit outside of my comfort zone, and though i've found myself many a time craving this same emancipation from all those routine-related things mentioned above; now that i have it, i'm not sure what to do with it. of course, i could always keep looking for a job for september, which has probably been one of the few consistent (not to mention frustrating) things i've been doing since may; but one can only stare at a website and update resumes and cover letters for so long.

reading my past blogs (simply because i now have time on my hands to do so), it seems that there was a lot more to be said about my life. from the people to everyday happenings, life on the whole seemed a lot more adventurous, interesting and ... "bloggable." what happened?! yet, despite this pesudo-rant, i have told myself over and over again that i will not succumb to the common bitterness that many people feel as they get older or when they realize that they have reached a point in their lives where they have absolutely no idea what to make of themselves. but it ain't easy, i'll tell you that much.

there are probably a number of other contributing factors to my current pesudo-rant/ramble - one of them having been playing one too many rounds of the waiting game. but just to make it clear that i haven't totally been stripped of my optimism, i haven't lost all hope that i could easily stumble across a few adventure-esque moments in the next couple of months (guitar lessons and road trips being a very strong possibility :OP). if there's one thing i do know, it's that eventually, like many other funks before this one, this too shall pass (a common theme for me this year) and obla di obla da life goes on brahhh... lala how the life goes on.

only by grace...

2007-07-05T18:18:00.000-04:00

From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. - John 1:16

i feel like the proud parent who just watched her child take its first step.

it took us over a year to complete this project - many doubted, others were skeptical (including myself at times). but now that it's finally come full circle, the only word to describe this accomplishment is... blessed. :o)

enjoy!

"rooted" live worship CD

"nobody puts Baby in a corner."

2007-07-03T12:07:00.000-04:00

they don't make movies as good as this anymore... :o)

*sigh*

school's out for summer - again. which potentially means... more blogging?

2007-06-27T01:04:00.001-04:00

currently this song is (on repeat) on my itunes:

i am smitten. :o)

it seems that stella's found a new love. his name? glen hansard, lead singer of the frames and the main actor in the movie, Once. not much of a surprise really, since what girl in her right mind could ever resist a guy with a guitar? mind you, someone who actually *knows* how to use it properly AND carry a pretty decent tune at the same time - a skilled musical multitasker, if you will. of course, the authentic irish accent and coiffe of curls might have helped a *little* too. :oP

the last time i saw a movie that left such a vehement impression on me was probably after seeing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. the concept of potentially meeting *the one* is probably one of the many mysteries that continues to both fascinate and occasionally frustrate me. but it was enlightening how this film actually worked in conveying that same awkward combination of fascination and frustration in a such a way that was believable and lighthearted enough to bring a smile to my face; with just enough ambiguity at the end that kept me genuinely hoping for the best. and as we all know, hope is a lovely thing. :o)

plus, the soundtrack is delightful - quite a charming balance of acoustic guitar, piano, and simplistic vulnerability.

now, if only all trips to the music store and/or all street musicians were just as dreamy. lol. wishful thinking, estelle. wishful thinking. :oP

random thought: does anyone even blog anymore these days or has facebook finally dominated all of cyberspace?

drumroll please...

2007-05-12T17:23:00.000-04:00

as of 2:40pm yesterday, i have completed my last high school practicum block and am officially done teachers' college.

'twas a bittersweet ending to 9 months of bloodshed, sweat and tears; one of which i have come to the conclusion that "miss gonzales" actually *does* have a nice ring to it :oD

whoa.

2007-04-25T23:44:00.000-04:00

i have just finished printing off my last-ever paper of teachers' college.

this is quite the surreal moment.

and now to celebrate, i'm going to ... sleep.

:o)

dangit.

2007-03-18T09:30:00.000-04:00

i should probably be doing something more productive and school-related (ie: curriculum unit planning...). instead, i made up this quiz:

how well do you *think* you know me?

feel free to enlighten me and take it :o)

and this too shall pass...

2007-03-09T16:36:00.000-05:00

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady

I am in repair...

- from John Mayer's "In Repair"

2 down...

2007-02-24T10:33:00.000-05:00

by the end of yesterday afternoon, i was humbled and overwhelmed by the blessed consequences of wearing my heart on my sleeve and teaching the sixth grade.

"parting is such sweet sorrow..."

2006-12-18T20:31:00.000-05:00

and with that, my first practicum block of teachers' college is finished. 'twas a sad day at TLK on friday, as my kids (though most of them if not all of them either matched my height or towered over me) and i said our goodbyes to each other - the day was filled with various exchanges of encouraging words, three 40-pack boxes of timbits that were well-devoured, a few camera ops, and more than enough warm fuzzies to last me a lifetime. thank God first impressions never stuck, because TLK has definitely left an amazing lasting impression on me that i will carry with me for what i know will be a very long time. my mentor teacher at one point during the block had told me that regardless of how many years of teaching you experience, you never forget the students of your first teaching practicum... i think he may well be onto something.

it certainly has been *quite* the interesting 4 months that have just come and gone, and i feel that even just in the past 4 weeks alone i've learned so much and have been able to define who i am as an educator. and though there were indeed many memories made, a few highlights come to mind that will always bring a smile and slight giggle to my visage:

"miss gonzales? are you a gangstaa?"
"miss gonzales? are you a party girl?"
"miss gonzales, you make Romeo and Juliet fun when you talk ghetto."

dang, i'm gonna miss 'em. snap dizzle.

... i suddenly have the urge to go clubbing/salsa dancing/breakdance and/or tango all at the same time.

2006-12-07T22:07:00.000-05:00

seeing "happy feet" will do that to you. :o)

and even despite its pseudo-morally-awkward ending, 'twas a good movie full of great tunes and hard-knockin' beats... oh yes, and the crazy whoppin' loads of musically and rhythmically inclined penguins definitely gave way to a lovely night. you can't really go wrong with that.

and the company was quite wonderful as well ;o)

note to self: must get the soundtrack.

... sigh

2006-12-03T17:54:00.000-05:00

the clock on my computer reads 5:53PM. the vince guaraldi trio is softly playing in the background. i am captivated by one of the most exquisite views of the moon that i've ever had the pleasure of seeing outside my bedroom window... just one of those moments where words completely fall short of description.

it's times likes these i wonder how much nicer it would be to actually have someone else to share a moment like this with...

hmm. and so it begins.

2006-10-31T19:34:00.000-05:00

it's an odd but enlightening thing when your students start recognizing you outside of the classroom at the grocery store, the mall, and even while driving; as they shout "HI MISS GONZALES!" from a few metres away.

... it feels nice to be acknowledged :o)

they call me "miss gonzales" :oP

2006-09-21T18:07:00.000-04:00

i'm lovin' this line from jason mraz's "sleep all day": "oh what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie..." it makes me smile. :o)

since i've last blogged, it literally feels worlds away... how the heehaw did 4 days suddenly turn into 4 weeks, i have absolutely no idea - whoasers. one month into teacher's college, and i'm still trying to find a good sense of balance and routine; and maybe from time to time, some breathing space when necessary.

yet even with and after all the chaos of school, practicums, hours spent lesson planning, commuting all over the GTA, readings upon readings, journaling/documenting every single observation i make, and a few rounds of hexic and solitaire showdown over msn; i am still standing - a bit on the wonky-sleep-diprived side and a lot more humbled than when i started at the beginning of the term, mind you; but things have definitely kept me on my toes in a fabulous way that i'm thankfully still excited about.

i've been teaching the odd lesson here and there since september started, and my students have been quite receiving of me. maybe it's because i could still pass for a 16-year old, but i do hope it's actually because i'm doing something right as a "student-teacher" (an oxymoron of which i've come to fully appreciate these past few weeks :oP). and yes, being referred to as "miss gonzales" is *still* going to take a bit more time getting used to. :o)

the highlight of the day was having the early opportunity to teach my first full class: grade 12 english university level. the lesson in question? INTRO TO POST-COLONIALISM! (to my beloved crit kids, know that i fondly thought of all of you :oP) - of course, i was more than delighted to have the chance to plug in edward said's "orientalism" and the concept of the "other", with a bit of diaspora and eurocentrism on the side while critically analyzing and initiating discussion over a poem or two :oP 'twas fantastic ... and rather amusing :oD

next week, i make an attempt to lead a poetry study with my grade 10 academic class and then shakespeare with the grade 12s - "king lear" to be exact... this should be interesting :oD

a happy york dork am i :o)

2006-08-30T22:00:00.000-04:00

appropriately enough, the song currently playing on my itunes is "see you in september" by fabares shelly.

church family camp is done.
God's girls night is done.
one year working at oxford is done.
festival of praise is done.

and in less than 2 ~~hours~~ (thanks, b! lol) days it's gonna be "bye-bye, august!" and "hello, september!"

surprisingly, i'm not phased by it one bit - probably because i'm already 3 (soon to go on 4) days into my first year at teacher's college at york university.

it's somewhat surreal to be back in school. york is certainly a far cry from the sort of quaint simplicity of waterloo. and this time around, the crowd i'm surrounded by definitely has a different feel to it; what with the more mature vibe from everyone and the accompanying comfortable weirdness of almost everyone actually knowing what they're going to do after graduation. but so far, so good - my fellow "wannabe teachers" have expressed themselves to be quite the genuine and lively bunch and seem to all have personalities that will make this year fun-filled and far from boring in all the right places.

we even made our own site cheer to which we'll be presenting at the faculty of education bbq tomorrow with nothing but full-on enthusiasm and panache :o)

a lot of you have asked me whether or not i'm excited for the upcoming year, and for a while i've stuck to replying with "it hasn't really sunken in yet"; afterall, i only finished working at oxford last thursday (quite the sad day, really) which didn't really give me much time to reflect and analyze this past year off of school... but though this year appears to be one of the most challenging and overwhelming years i will come to face in my entire academic career (post-critical theory with mcarthur, of course ;oP), i'm actually getting pretty excited to see what lies ahead.

...especially since i've decided to return to my pre-driver's-licence roots and once again become acquainted with the mississauga transit and go bus lines. :oP this alone should give way for some interesting times, indeed :oP

cuckoo and loving it!

2006-07-04T20:52:00.000-04:00

currently listening to: "be yourself" by morcheeba

i've always been a firm believer that growing up is optional - and this long canada day weekend proved that opting not to grow up definitely has its advantages. curiosity may have killed the cat, but it's a beautiful thing among crazy-wonderful friends who are just as cuckoo as you are :oD

since fireworks were unusually scarce in brampton on saturday night, we decided to take the initiative and make our own explosions. inspired by janelle's high school chemistry class, we decided to test the whole "diet coke and mentos" experiment for ourselves in the back of a nearby school parking lot - and had a heck of a dang good time doing it :oP

the experiment in progress (thanks for your car, aldrin :oP)

the scientists hard at work

the procedure in all its glory :oP
*for best viewing, please tilt your head to the left of your monitor*

EUREKA!
(check out the remaining mentos that stuck to the bottom of the bottle)

a successful attempt by the cuckoo scientists :oD

our conclusion(s): (1) nothing says "happy birthday, canada!" better than a two litre bottle of diet coke and a package of mint-flavoured mentos :oD and (2) we enjoy watching things explode ... perhaps a little too much :oP

kids, today's word is "ambiguous"

2006-06-23T11:42:00.000-04:00

oy. i think i'm losing my "english" touch.

i've been trying to figure out this word that's been bugging me for the past couple of days now, and for the life of me, i couldn't remember it. and lately, with my mind being temporarily set on "brain-fart", i've been a little more "out of sorts" than normal.

the description i've been giving my fellow "english-oriented" friends was as follows:

"it's a word that starts with an 'a'... and it means something along the lines of 'going one way or another' ... (followed by an unsure pause) ... if it doesn't start with an 'a', it definitely starts with a vowel."

and finally, after a myriad of word choices from "equivocal" to "inconclusive"; and almost drawing to the point of believing that perhaps i may have conjured this word on my own, cristina was finally able to ease my troubled mind by hitting the jackpot with... "AMBIGUOUS" -- doh. 2 days later and one too many msn conversations later... yeesh.

but after all's been said and done, at least i managed to make cristina's day that much more... "amusing".

*sigh*

i find it rather funny how people - particularly english majors - have this wonderfully stubborn trait of refusing to be stumped by a word, and that they'll practically go to the ends of the earth to figure it all out before accepting defeat :oP

hmm... perhaps i should consider getting better better acquainted with my dictionary before school starts again in august. :oP

... and me without my camera!

2006-06-22T20:03:00.000-04:00

driving home after work, traffic was unusually slow on the 403. i could see from a few kilometers away that a police car was taking up most if not all of the left shoulder, its lights frantically going on and off.

as trafiic finally picked up again and i was able to drive closer to the core of the traffic pause, i saw the procession - a grounded flock of 20+ canadian geese had seemed to have found their way on the 403 eastbound, and were attempting to waddle to safer ground; the police car trailing very closely behind, and escorting them through and guiding them away from oncoming traffic. amusing thing was that these geese appeared to know *exactly* what they were doing, and almost looked like they were intently strutting their goosey goodness on parade :oP - and rightly so, a very good reason to stop traffic. :oD

sometimes you can't help but smile at the comical moments life presents you with. :oP but what saddened me was that this was one photo-op i totally missed out on... poops!

and at the end of the day...

2006-06-17T23:16:00.000-04:00

yay for girly tea parties avec des chapeaux drôles!
yay for charred meat shared among good people!

:o)

jubilant june

2006-06-07T12:07:00.000-04:00

i woke up this morning to blue skies and sunshine :o) - lovin' it!

courtesy of jasiel :o)

last night, on a quest for seeking temporary escape from all things responsibility-oriented, i decided to take my friend jasiel on a post-weekend night on the town by attending the raul midón concert at the mod club downtown toronto. and though he didn't actually come onstage 'til about 9:30pm, our waiting time was nicely complemented by a couple of opening acts; some local soul/jazz artists who were quite pleasant to the ears and eyes. one of them was a gentlemen (whose name i didn't catch) who spoke with the loveliest british accent and did a fairly good rendition of "come together" by the beatles; and the following act was lori nuic, an up and coming soul artist whose voice i thought reminded me of somewhere in between joss stone and mariah carey... but the moment raul midón walked onstage and made that first strum on his acoustic, everything else before that just faded away - and once the rich sound from his vocal chords fell out of his mouth and into the microphone, it was more than the confirmation we needed that our waiting was certainly not in vain.

wonderful times, indeeed! then again, you can never really go wrong with great music and fatastic company to share it with - such a beautiful combination, really. :o)

note to self: this whole getting-out-of-the-house-more-often thing is something i could really see myself getting used to :o)

the significance of the female anatomy through the eyes of an 8-year-old boy...

2006-05-16T23:34:00.001-04:00

when 8-year-old dave walked into class today, he sat down at the table with a semi-awkward grin on his face that hinted he had something interesting to say.

before i could even get the chance to ask, he excitedly announced to the other kids at the table that he learned two new words today at school in science class. standing short and proud in front of everyone in the room; with his loudest, most triumphant third-grader voice, he shouted these words at the top of his lungs: "BREASTS AND VAGINA!"

my jaw fell to the floor, shortly followed by loud snickering and giggles that resonated throughout the classroom - and the fact that the kids who were at the same table were all adolescent boys under the age of 12 did not help much at all when attempting to settle everyone down.

eventually once the laughter subsided, i felt a tug on my arm. i turned to my right, and dave's semi-awkward grin had expanded into a gargantuan smile that revealed a slight mischievous gleam in his eyes. he then whispers to me, "... are you embarrassed? because you shouldn't be," which was appropriately followed by a left-over snicker or two from the kids sitting across from him.

stupidly, i asked him why i shouldn't be embarrassed, to which he then replied with a humorously scholar-like tone to his pre-pubescent voice, "... because it's part of growing up... breasts and vaginas are a part of growing up."

i wasn't sure of whether i should have been amused or disturbed by that. but frankly, it's kinda scary how kids are just getting waaaay too smart for their own good these days. :oS

and then may happened...

2006-05-08T14:47:00.000-04:00

as per chris' request, i'm going to "post more" - perhaps it has been *slightly* long overdue. :oP

it certainly has been a while, though - all of a sudden, it's may and the familiar smell of freshly cut grass outside hints to me that spring is in full-bloom. lately, i've been feeling rather distracted and pre-occupied by a myriad of things; and so my regular blogging habits have also somehow faded into the backdrop of life's crazy busy-ness and chaos in the process.

i finally made the decision to quit retail and handed in my 2-weeks notice last week. may 15 marks the day of my emancipation :o) as much as i did enjoy the whole experience of it all (for the most part - mind you, the discounts also helped :oP), the stress of "SELL! SELL! SELL!" along with the constant "whirlwind-ness" of literally running/driving from one job to the next from monday to friday was becoming a little too taxing for me, leaving me on the brink of losing what was left of my precious sanity. to say the least, 'twas anything but a good thing. i'm hoping the time regained will open up opportunities to find some balance and help me seek the serenity and solace that i've found myself so desperately missing these past few months.

and now with with the warmer climates kicking into full gear with summer not too far behind, i'm looking forward to taking some quality time to really take in and appreciate the little things that make life so wonderfully beautiful - of which also includes spending some time writing up a storm, a whoppin' load of road trips and bbqs with folk of the fantablous kind, a euphoria of camping wonderment, catching the odd sunset; and of course, indulging myself with a bowl of green tea ice cream every once in a while. :o)

"this is my dance party, i want to cry if i want to cry!"

2006-04-12T00:33:00.000-04:00

yet another online documentary worth blogging about:

A Chink in the Armour

the title speaks for itself. just a warning: it's a bit of a doozy in duration, but not only is it informative; it's dang entertaining too - and worth the watch! thanks, joans! :oD

from car accidents to acceptance letters...

2006-04-08T12:35:00.000-04:00

where do i begin? the past 6 days have certainly been a rollercoaster, complete with high rushes of adrenaline and an abundant load of ups and downs - the kind that make your tummy feel yuck and absolutely wonderful all at the same time.

monday started with one of the first heavy rainfalls we've had since spring started this year. and with it, came my first experience getting into a car accident while in the driver's seat. i was making a left turn onto rathburn from mavis on my way home, when suddenly a car appeared out of nowhere from opposing traffic, in a gutsy attempt to beat the light which was about to turn red. problem was, i couldn't see it coming because the cars in the other lanes had already stopped and she was coming from the lane furthest to the left (my left, her right). it was too late when i finally saw her racing down towards me, which quickly resulted to her car colliding with the rear of mine.

surprisingly the loundess of the blow was more harsh than the actual damage done to either car; meaning to say that there were no damages done whatsoever, which was shocking since the impact was so big. no one was hurt, and we were all able to walk away from the accident completely unharmed; both cars unscratched and in tact. to say the least, it was a miracle - definitely a testament to His sustaining grace.

and while on the topic of miracles, it looks like i'll be going to york this fall for teacher's college! as ecstatic as i am to be starting school again this summer (classes start in august :oP) and finally having some grasp on attaining a career for myself, my emotions are slightly mixed. for my teaching placement, i've been placed at a school that has its reputation for being the "gangsta's paradise" of high schools in the 'saugs. friends have already started trying to convince me to get a leather jacket and bullet-proof vest for september - where's coolio when you need him?! :oP

"God or the Girl": reality tv's cry for help or an all-time low?

2006-03-23T23:53:00.000-05:00

while flipping through the channels today, i came across a segment on Entertainment Tonight that was featuring a sneak-peak of a new reality tv show called God or the Girl - conveniently set to air on Easter weekend.

five young men in their 20s (who appropriately enough, *just happen* to be good-looking) must decide between serving in the priesthood or living a life free to date and mingle with girls - the gist of the show is to follow them through a series of days and "trials" that are supposed to help sway them towards making *the* decision, of which the final verdict will be declared on national tv at the end of the show's duration.

now, sure; i admit that i do enjoy watching reality tv every so often and allow myself to be sucked into the craziness (and perhaps stupidity) of it all. but c'mon now - does anyone else find this particular concept even the least bit disturbing and just plain... weird? has reality tv actually come to the point where they've finally run out of ideas - i mean, i thought the train unofficially made its final stop at MTV's Surreal World - yeesh, i guess i was wrong.

one clip that i found particularly uncomfortable to watch was of one of the guys who felt that he had to serve his penance by carrying a life-size wooden cross on his back while travelling 80 miles on foot as a result of his guilt for lusting over a girl at one point in his life; unworthy because of the things he had done in the past - and meanwhile, he had his own coaching squad guiding him through the long trek as if his very life depended on it.

after watching that 5-minute preview, i just felt really... sad - not only for him, but for the possible reactions that could potentially evolve from this show. though some viewers could take this show "seriously", others could and probably will consider this show as the punchline to their daily conversations. and what doesn't help much at all is that this is the type of thing that usually feeds into into all of the negative views and stereotypes that people have towards religion, especially with regards to Christianity/Catholicism.

perhaps i'm being bias to this whole thing due to the idealogies my own spiritual upbringing has instilled in me, but maybe - just maybe - reality tv has gone a little too far with this one.

by the way, has anyone had a chance to watch passions in the past couple of days? apparently whitney saw God in the chapel of her convent, who she claims told her to brutally flog herself in order to pay penance for her sins of committing incest with her half-brother, chad.

and with that, i leave a resounding OY.

... and it's march.

2006-03-05T18:51:00.000-05:00

februrary has come and gone.

these past few weeks i decided to take a temporary haitus from blogging and get back into the groove of writing in my journal, of which i haven't done in quite some time now according to the date of my last entry along with the evidence of accumulating dust particles gathering on its surface... perhaps it's the old-fashioned writer in me, but as fond as i am of the wonderful world of blogging, still nothing can compare to the spillage of thoughts on paper - it's been good to get the ink flowing out of my pen again; refreshing, really. and spending the time documenting everything down from mental vomit to lyrical goodness has only made me realize how much i've missed it.

and while rediscovering the writer within, i've also had blessed opportunities to spend some quality time getting to know a few amazing people; coming to truly value the beauty of relationships in every sense of the word.

i think i am always going to be awestruck with my limited understanding of this wonderful phenomenon, regardless of how close i may come to grasping it entirely. sometimes i think that God has quite a sense of humor when it comes to relationships; and what always fascinates me is how He intervenes at times when i least expect it.

the people we meet in our lives i believe are never by chance - no matter how long you've known someone; whether it be hours, days, years - somehow an impact is made. even with the friends we've met over a short amount of time; though we may not possess a concrete knowledge of each other, we get by with what we know, and we genuinely appreciate what we do know. it's funny how life presents opportunities where you find yourself making friends with with people that you never really expected to form friendships with in the first place - all it really takes is just that one moment where you allow yourself to see someone in a totally different light. sometimes i still find myself asking, "why him/her?", "why not him/her?", or even "why now, and not then?" but even though the answers may not be clear as to why or how the nature of any relationship comes to evolve over time, there's a reason somewhere behind the scenes - an unknown purpose that excites me when i think of what could develop, ever so gradually unveiling the pieces of the "why?" puzzle as time goes on.

it's this exact framework of relationships that never ceases to amaze me.

I thank my God every time I remember you.
-- Philippians 1:3 (NIV)

[even] as time goes by...

2006-02-12T02:09:00.000-05:00

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns,
in all the world, she had to walk into mine."

-- Rick Blaine, from Casablanca

i feel you, rick. i really do.

years of experience have taught me to know better. and yet somehow, even if only for the slightest moment, *he* still has this obscure tendency to set me off-balance - for reasons, i just can't seem to comprehend.

edit: i found my balance again a few days after this post. there will always be certain people that have the ability to bring a smile to your face and cause an erruption of memories that can easily rehash emotions that were once familiar... but sometimes, you just have to come to the conclusion that some things were meant to be left in the past.

it feels great to be back on my feet again :o)

one for all of the neglected asian boys out there!

2006-02-07T23:42:00.000-05:00

biggups to mandy for sending me this link:

yellow fever

so stereotypical... and yet, so amusing! ;oP

slight run-in with the february blues

2006-02-05T22:59:00.000-05:00

my anthem for the past few days: "twentysomething" by jamie cullum

After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.

Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,
finding myself or start a career.
I could work for the poor though I’m hungry for fame
we all seem so different but we're just the same.

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
aren't things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers? Who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust.

Maybe I’ll move back home and pay off my loans,
working nine to five answering phones.
Don't make me live for my friday nights,
drinking eight pints and getting in fights.

I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.

Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more.

Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth eludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.

doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah...

I’m a twenty something.
Let me lie in, Leave me alone.
I’m a twenty something.

only 5 days into the month, and the februrary blues seem to have already started to rain on my parade (appropriate imagery, i thought - especially with the odd weather these past few days) - of course, this is all partially due to the fact that i'm on my period and my cramps have succeeded in dampening my cheery disposition. there is absolutely *nothing* glamorous about feeling as if a million gremlins are doing the electric slide all over my uterus and having to walk around like i have a football stuck in between my legs. far from glamorous, indeed.

on top of that, i think i'm finally starting to feel the stress of working two jobs, along with the attempt to juggle possibly one too many responsibilities all at the same time. this quasi-superhero life of retail by day and teacher by night is in desperate need of action-packed adventure, romance, and all things in between.

i'm in serious need of some sort of escape. yes, i need a vacation. well, actually, i think i just need to get out more - but sadly, it's a little difficult to do so when friends are either halfway around the world, in school, or their schedules just don't seem to agree with mine. poops.

in times like these, i miss the simple joy and fascination of experiencing new things and interacting with interesting people; just getting out of the house for motives other than work - which just happens to be one of the many reasons i'm looking forward to going back to school (depending on whether or not york, ut, or western love me enough to accept me). i used to be such a fan of establishing a life-routine, but lately i'm finding that getting *too* settled into an everyday routine can be rather blah and even perhaps somewhat overrated.

however, the encouraging thing is that i know this funk that i'm currently in shall soon come to pass as other previous funks have in similar manner. i cling to the hope that all things - as they so strangely and wonderfully do - will eventually be right in the world, and "happy" me will be restored to its fullness and radiance once again. afterall, it's just WAY too early in the game for me to be having a quarter-life crisis :oP

crash

2006-02-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

-- Graham, from Crash

i ended the one hour and 40 minutes literally speechless.

my quarter-of-a-century weekend draws to a close...

2006-01-30T00:46:00.000-05:00

"quarter of a century isn't old... compared to the universe." -- bikin

"you're a quat-ury!" -- edmond

leave it to my male computer engineer friends to make a girl feel *really* special on her 25th birthday. still, i suppose it's the thought that counts, right? :o)

a weekend of non-stop festivities and celebrations has finally come to its end, and finds me happily stuffed and perusing through the glossy pages of the J-14 magazine that was gifted me by tess, who thought it would help me feel a little less... "old". but to my dismay, flipping through the myriad of celebrity pin-ups and an unnecessarily overwhelming amount of jesse mccartney has actually made me feel somewhat outdated; considering the sad fact that i don't seem to recognize more than half the faces on those pages ... i must say though, it's rather drole that i can still be amused by a good "what's your ideal date?" quiz once in a while. ;oP

what a maahhhvalous weekend - from the seemingly endless feasts spent with amazing people:

me, livi, and esther (who is behind the camera) in complete fondue euphoria at the apricot tree café

can't let all that go to waste... :oP

dinner with the entire household (+ dwayne :oD) at the pickle barrel

to experiencing the sensational jazzy-goodness of the lori cullen quintet at the montreal bistro (where the food is good, but the jazz is *MUCH* better) with some of the most fabulous women i know:

quarter-of-a-century girls' night out (we missed you, bev)

a long overdue reunion, indeed!

just ain't a party without you girls... (bev, where are you?)

... joannie, i couldn't help it ;oP

with the wonderfully talented jazz singer/songwriter/DOODLER, lori cullen

so happy i got my birthday mousse ;o)

and of course, to the people who were so kind to contribute to the abundance of phone calls, text messages, e-cards, msn messages, friendster testimonials, e-mails, post-mail, other well-wishes and presents galore... i am so richly blessed, and so very thankful for it all. i couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate and welcome the thrill of now entering the mid-20's.

so yes. i'm 25 now - and the 4 days that i've been been able to experience it thus far have been nothing but simply exhilarating.

and now if you'll excuse me, i have quite a lot of J-14 to catch up on before i hit the hay :oP

24, you've been very kind.

2006-01-26T14:24:00.000-05:00

it was quite nice while it lasted.

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
Twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

...I'm not copping out.

-- from "24" by Switchfoot

sitting in front of my laptop in between work shifts, it finally dawns on me that i'm going to be 25 tomorrow.

wow. 25.

bring it on :o)

2 ways to a girl's heart: shoes... and chicken.

2006-01-18T13:37:00.000-05:00

this morning my mother sent me on a quest for chicken, groceries, and other practical errands - which originally wasn't supposed to include taking a not-so-random detour to dixie outlet mall and purchasing a smokin' pair of green stilettos at the aldo outlet store... oops. :oP

but for $16.02, how could i possibly resist?!

suffice it to say, i was delirious with joy. however, my excitement was short-lived after i unveiled my new-found treasure to my mother when i got home. instead of sharing the same delight over my new shoes, she nonchalantly responded with "they're pointy...where's the chicken?"

yeesh.

edit: charlene, if this further develops into a habit, i blame you... :oP

memoirs of another kind...

2006-01-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

The heart dies, a slow death, shading each hope lightly, until one day there are none. No hopes, nothing remains. She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for geisha to want, it is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings, she entertains you, whatever you want. Their rest is shadows, their rest is secret.

-- from the movie, Memoirs of A Geisha

sweet, sweet morty's, how i've missed you so... oh yes, and you waterloo folk too ;oP

2006-01-06T01:49:00.000-05:00

once again i found myself wandering the streets of waterloo, where a hoard of us alumni and 6th-year folk (+ tess, the sole laurier rep.) managed to beat the odds of getting a table for 13 at morty's on their ever-so-fabulous thursday wing night. two bites into those succulent morsels of medium and dry cajun goodness (of which i am proud to say that i successfully devoured not the usual 6, but 10 wings in a matter of minutes; meticulously cleaning each one to the very bone), i was in complete and utter bliss - especially since it's been 8 months since my last morty's fix. to say the least, the hour and 15-minute wait was worth every bite!

of course, what *really* topped the night was the great company i was reunited with. :o) 'twas wonderful to laugh and reminisce with such great people, even despite the ongoing glares from a slightly neglected mr. bojangles* who eerily remained silent in the far corner of the room. :oP

funny. each time i return to the place of my alma mater i tend to arrive with slight hesitance, but always leave with an abundant load of warm fuzzies all over and glad i made the trip.

'twas a great night - 2006 is off to a lovely start.

sidenote: mr. bojangles ("mr." added for emphasis) is joyce and joannie's pet chinchilla... who always seems like he's conspiring to take over the world.

here's to you, 2006!

2006-01-03T00:30:00.000-05:00

i greet the new year embracing the beautiful mystery awaiting to unfold, with the perseverance to endure new challenges ahead, the desire to teach and learn; and just for kicks, poetry from Robert Frost:

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

here's to a new year full of opportunity to take the road less travelled.

happy new year, everyone!

so this is christmas...

2005-12-25T17:03:00.000-05:00

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

-- John 3:16 (NIV)
(an oldie but a goodie :oD)

may this Christmas bring you nothing but His love, His peace, and His joy to you and your loved ones ;o)

happy holidays!

they are indeed precious in His sight.

2005-12-21T21:38:00.000-05:00

during class, 6-year-old jayden seemed to get caught up in the moment as he was telling 11-year-old eric and me a rather elaborate story about how he had witnessed a physically violent brawl between a few teenagers the other day; expressing genuine concern/fear and confusion as to why they acted the way they did.

taken from our conversation earlier tonight:

jayden: ...i've never been so scared in my life! it was crazy! like, you never really see younger kids act like that.
eric: fighting's so dumb.
jayden: but why do teenagers act like that?
eric: (while continuing to work on his long and short vowel worksheet) ...because they're going through puberty.
jayden: what's puberty?!
eric: ...i dunno. it's something that everyone goes through.
jayden: well, i hope i never go through puberty. puberty makes people stupid.

i sat there the entire time admiring jayden's childish innocence and naiveté to the situation. the longer the conversation progressed, the more i wished i had all of the answers to jayden's many yet valid questions about violence and why people are so prone to seeking it as a solution to their problems.

after he went home, i couldn't help but feel a little sad in knowing that same innocence and naiveté would eventually harden as he continues to grow up. at the same time, i realized that not all hope for him was lost; as it was still very much evident in his simple desire to be set apart from the rest.

only my family...

2005-12-16T21:07:00.000-05:00

'twas an *interesting* drive back home from michigan, indeed.

an excerpt of our in-car conversation while approaching canadian customs:

mom: oh look, we're going to the bilingual customs booth.
customs officer: hello! bonjour!
dad: (completely out of the blue) bonjour! ça va bien? parlez-vous français?
customs officer: oh, ça va bien, merci.... (trailing off into more french as my dad's smile began to slowly fade into a blank expression; coming to the realization that the extent of his fluency in the french language was restricted to the few phrases that had already exited his lips)
dad: (pauses for a few seconds at first, not really knowing how to respond, and then eventually brings himself to look the customs officer right in the eye) indi ako ka balo mag sugpon. (which is ilongo for "i don't know how to follow that")
customs officer: (rather confused and still in french mode) pardon?
dad: anglais?
customs officer: parlez-vous anglais?
dad: français.
customs officer: français?
all of us in the backseat: ANGLAIS!
dad: english.
customs officer: (with one eyebrow raised) ...okay. (and then goes through everything a second time in english with much more success)
mom: (as we're driving away) ...why did you do that?
dad: because she said, "bonjour!"
mom: but you're not bilingual, daddy.
dad: (smiling calm and contentedly) well, i wanted to be trilingual.

*sigh* i love my family - ruckus and all! :oD

doh. i've been tagged...

2005-12-14T00:43:00.000-05:00

in random blog-browse, i found myself on rudy's blog.

...ooops.

five random bits about myself:

in the song "cater 2 u" by destiny's child, the words "help you put your do-rag on" make me laugh.

i actually enjoy working retail. :oP

i miss being in school.

whenever i watch the "bridget jones" movies, i always have to watch both of them consecutively in the same sitting.

if i could have a pet giraffe, i would name him "neck-neck".

and now, you've now been tagged by reading my blog too! :oP

...

2005-12-09T01:27:00.000-05:00

currently listening to: "the blower's daughter" by damien rice

with every haunting strum of the cello, certain episodes of my life are vulnerably rehashed...

i am a walking contradiction.

for the one thing i genuinely desire to eventually share with someone one day could quite possibly the exact same thing that i'm so unbelievably terrified to let go of.

nothing brings in december cheer better than a quality family christmas interior decor-fest and the sniffles.

2005-12-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

7 days into the month, and the cold and flu viruses have already taken down more than half of my students.

the thing about teaching kids of all shapes and sizes is that you're easily exposed to germs of all shapes and sizes. and when the kids get sick, they have the tendency to prey on their teacher.

... an excerpt from a conversation between me and 9 year-old dave this past tuesday:

dave: i missed last week because my brother and i had the flu.
me: oh really? that's too bad.
dave: not as bad as me getting you sick (followed by an evil grin and rubbing his hands together similar to that of mr. burns from the simpsons)
me: well, that's not going to happen, dave.
dave: why not?
me: because i'm not going to get sick...

famous last words. my now-sultry-man-voice and stuffy nose hint to me that this may only be just the beginning of a long and germ-infested winter teaching at oxford learning center. *sigh* at least i'll have the holidays to be able to recuperate and stock up on the echinacea.

but on a much brighter note, the house is looking quite lovely. the tree is up, the lights are beaming, and the house is full of wonderful christmas clutter and soon to be filled with wholesome family goodness... next weekend, it's going to be a roadtrip to michigan to fetch the brother and bring him back home for the holidays; which will then be immediately followed by a myriad of good times all around. :o)

hard to believe that in only a matter of weeks will be the end of yet another month, and the dawn of a new year.

where does time run off to in such a hurry?

edit: travis, how 'bout you count *them* sentences? :oP

:o)

2005-11-27T22:41:00.000-05:00

i love how incredibly contagious my mom's laugh can be.

batteries recharged

2005-11-23T01:14:00.000-05:00

O God let us be a generation that seeks...

passion toronto: the "indescribable" worship trio of chris tomlin, charlie hall, and david crowder

freshly humbled and blessed, this night was just what i needed to get things back into perspective.

timing is everything.

2005-11-20T02:15:00.000-05:00

To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

... He has made everything beautiful in its time.

-- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,11 (NKJV)

happy teacher's day, miss estelle!

2005-11-16T21:19:00.000-05:00

after work tonight, i found an envelope and postcard with my name and address on both. each sender's address belonged to students i taught in vietnam a little over a year ago.

upon opening the envelope, i discovered a hand-made card awaitng me inside. the content was short and sweet; succeeding in making me smile. the message on the postcard re-affirmed my desire to teach. and after opening my inbox to find a dozen more e-greetings from other former students of mine, i was overwhelmed with joy.

who knew that even after a year's passing, these students would still be showing me the heart of a teacher.

*happy tear*

my cup overflows. :o)

"we LOVE geeks!"

2005-11-16T02:32:00.000-05:00

"... the geekier, the better!" -- mandy lam

i concur :o)

frankly, there's nothing quite more sexy than a guy who carries a subtle nerdiness about him; who is computer-savvy and adores his mother just as much as he loves star wars.

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It

and oh, they certainly *are* worth it :oP

why, hey there, november!

2005-11-09T21:45:00.000-05:00

another month to be reckoned with.

feeling a little (a lot) overwhelmed by responsibility in the past few weeks, i decided to redo my entire bedroom. and since i haven't touched it since high school, i figured that it was high time that a splash of colour be added to the walls, and for my 'nsync and garfield posters to be finally taken down and hidden away where no one can find them :oP and now, after a full week of painting, building shelves, moving furniture, and a gleeful spree at ikea; my room has now become my own sweet, domesticated haven :oD and surprisingly, painting and building can be quite effective therapy for stress...

i've also come to notice that christmas is starting to take over the mall; from the glistening christmas decor dangling from the ceilings, to being able to catch the occasional christmas tune lingering throughout the hallways. however in my store, we seem to have *all* the popular christmas classics mixed in with our usual top 40 mix - and on repeat. though i know the reasoning behind this is to gradually spread a little christmas cheer among customers until the actual day, i fear that by the time christmas actually does come around, i will have endured an overkill of bing crosby's rendition of "the 12 days of christmas," and will probably not want to hear a single peep from anything remotely close to a french hen for a very long time.

on a much brighter note, i was quite amused and delighted when my assistant manager mistook me for being 26 today... "wow, you seem so much more mature than 24," she said. and i was on perma-smile mode for the remainder of the day. :oP

of course, now that the day is over, it's time to put my nose back on the grindstone and continue application-ing for teacher's college. and once again, i must dive head first into supplementary goodness. december 1 is vastly approaching, and knowing me, procrastination is going to be one of my biggest obstacles.

but thankfully i have the soothing combination of michael bublé and hot maple tea to keep me company through the grueling hours of the night. :o)

a little appalled...

2005-10-27T00:05:00.000-04:00

in all my years of being romantically challenged, many a time have i been rejected based on the following self-attributes: style, appearance, weight, attraction, being *sligtly* outspoken, (lack of) height, etc...

these things i consider petty.

but he just took *one* look at my picture, and couldn't even see past my ethnicity.

until now, never have i thought that my being "asian" could automatically label me as "unappealing". it's unbelievable how some people can seem so wise about the world, and yet be so closed-minded about it at the same time.

the last time i checked, we were living in the 21st century - the world is supposed to be at our doorstep.

i guess *some* people just need to get out more.

age defying? olay's got nothin' on me :oP

2005-10-26T21:13:00.000-04:00

the sudden look of shock on my co-workers' faces amuses me each time i tell them i'm a lot older than i look.

i mean, seriously people... 18? puh-lease.

i at *least* look 19! :oP

do you hear the people sing?

2005-10-23T01:35:00.000-04:00

just came back from a night on the town with the ever-so-lovely miss joannie tsoi, and spent the past few hours being completely dazzled by an absolutely breathtaking performance of Les Miserables at the Princess of Wales Theatre in TO. the harmonies were vehemently chilling to the point where i was just awestruck. and though it was my second time seeing it, i left the theatre just as amazed as i was after the first time i saw it over 10 years ago, goosebumps and all - but this time around, i was able to sing along to every single bar of the musical score. :oD needless to say, i loved every minute of it!

it truly blows me away how a single voice can have the dynamic ability to stir up so much emotion - and when combined with other voices that are just as powerful, it can easily be the most beautiful and majestic sound your ears could ever have the pleasure of being exposed to.

*sigh* and as if everything wasn't as spectacular enough, there was a surprisingly large number of attractive young male performers throughout the show. :oP it was rather amusing when the fine-looking fellow who played marius first walked onstage and all that joannie and i could do was blink and let out a unanimously smitten deep and breathy "...whoa" in response. there's just something about a guy who can sing - and i'm not talking about just being able to carry a tune, but actually be able to carry his voice the point where it sounds as smooth as freshly whipped buttah *double sigh* :oP man... perhaps i should reconsider teacher's college and audition for musicals instead. :oP

i'm such a shmuck for musical enlightenment, and tonight was definitely full of shmuck wonderment. 'twas a fabulous night indeed - one of fantastic music, many good laughs, and most importantly, i was with fabulous company. not even the rain and chilly weather could dampen our moods. :o)

hopeful.

2005-10-20T20:11:00.000-04:00

After all that we've been through,
I know we're cool...

sometimes all it takes is a 30-minute conversation to realize that perhaps the idea of a "happily ever after" isn't as far out of my grasp than i originally thought - even if the context of it *has* managed to shift dramatically over the years.

here's to hoping.
here's to the reconstruction of burnt bridges.

here's to grossbeak. :o)

since i've last blogged...

2005-10-19T23:22:00.000-04:00

1. i lost my internet privileges for the past couple of weeks, as bell sympatico unexpectedly failed to notify us that our account expired in august... yeesh. as a result, we failed to notify *them* that we decided to switch to rogers instead. :oP

2. after 3 weekends and 60 hours of intense learning, i am finally tesl certified, and dang proud of it. :o)

me, deanna, christina: tesl certified, baby!

3. i celebrated thanksgiving without the turkey, but made up for it by spending the day with my cousins at al ferri's apple farm in sweet home ala-brampton. even until now my house is still abundantly full of apple goodness; everything from apple tea to apple butter. mmmmmm... apples.

aboard the apple tractor with my cousins

... and you wonder why she's my favourite :o)

4. i've had the pleasant opportunity to play tour guide to the wonderful miss autumn hulke who dropped by for a 5-day visit from the desert lands of arizona. together, we caused nothing but wholesome ruckus around the GTA, niagara falls, and picked a few *more* apples along the way.

me and autumn: on the glass floor of the cn tower

me and autumn at niagara falls: gotta love a man in uniform... even if he *is* only made out of plastic... :oP

5. to relieve myself of even more financial strain, i've allowed myself to be sucked into the wonderful world of retail, and have established the split-identity of part-time sales girl by day and core teacher by night.

6. the process of applying for teacher's college has reached a plateau and the hunt for references finds me playing the waiting game once again. applications are still in the process of being done, and i seem to be drowning in supplementary application bliss/procrastination more and more as time continues to fly by.

7. i've noticed myself growing a little more tired at the end of each week, but with His sustaining grace, i continue to humbly embrace the busy-ness and healthy chaos that each day brings.

8. i am slowly coming to accept the fact that my days of "nocturnal-dom" are numbered. sleep is just far too precious to waste these days. :oP

it's okay speedy, i still remember you.

2005-10-03T21:20:00.000-04:00

an excerpt taken from an earlier in-class conversation between me and valerie, one of my core students...

valerie: estelle, what's your last name?
me: gonzales.
valerie: (confused look) what?
me: gonzales... you know, like speedy.
valerie: (no comment)
me: as in, speedy gonzales?
valerie: (confused look with the addition of a furrowed brow) who's that?
me: what? speedy gonzales! the cartoon mexican mouse with the sombrero?! (complete with on-the-spot bodily gestures for "mexican mouse" and "sombrero")
valerie: ... i don't know who that is. (shakes her head)
me: *sigh* nevermind.
valerie: why?
me: i'm afraid speedy's way before your time.
valerie: what? you're not that old though. you're in your twenties.
me: *double sigh* yes. i know.

for the first time in my entire 24 years on this earth, i actually felt old. here i was, thinking that it was such a ridiculously huge deal for this young girl not to know who speedy gonzales was, even more so not have the slightest clue of what a looney tune was. and at the same time, valerie was probably thinking that her teacher was slightly insane in the membrane (which probably wasn't too far from the truth, especially with the improvised one-man freak show i displayed today).

ack!

sigh october...

2005-10-01T23:14:00.000-04:00

while enjoying some quality time with my family in the comfort of our living room, i couldn't help but notice the empty spot on the sofa and the overwhelming imbalance of estrogen in the atmosphere.

and for the first time in a long while (though a part of me is reluctant to admit it), i found myself really missing my younger brother tonight.

flabbergasted.

2005-09-25T21:21:00.000-04:00

worlds have a funny tendency to collide when you least expect them to.

this weekend was definite proof that this world isn't as big as it appears to be... in more ways than one.

:o)

stella's got a new groove

2005-09-11T21:19:00.000-04:00

after growing my hair to the ends of the earth over past 9 months or so; and having been used to wearing the same pair of glasses for the past couple of years, i decided that it was finally time for a little upgrade.

so after a few quick 2-inch snips off my hair by my new-found friend and hair-god, pasquale; and a mix and mingle of #32 egyptian plum into my once-again-healthy coiffe, i can once again hold my head up high without feeling like my scalp is about to rip off from carrying so much baggage. and with the new frames to complete the package, i once again feel absolutely wonderful, which is definitely something that's been long overdue. :oP

re-vamped: 2 inches off, and new frames - WOOT!

first week in, and things are good... smelly, but good.

2005-09-08T21:20:00.000-04:00

so, i'm sitting with my group of regular thursday students at work today; particularly having a slightly difficult time trying to get 6-year-and-soon-to-be-7-year-old justin to simmer down and focus on his sentence writing, and not on his masterful skills of continuously poking his pencil ends into his eraser. i was then interrupted by a slight tug on the arm, gestured by 6-year-old adriana, who wanted some help on her french numbers. all of a sudden, my nose started to pick up a recognizably malodorous stench in the air that seemed to be coming from north of where i was sitting.

... justin had farted.

as the scent lingered in the air, it eventually managed to circulate around the study area and eventually reached everyone else in the room, evident by the wonderous array of confused/disgusted sniffs and pre-pubescent giggles that shortly followed. but little justin, who was completely oblivious to all the commotion, remained calm and undisturbed; and quietly resumed to contentedly poking his pencil ends into his eraser once again.

and all i could do was just smile. :o)

just when i thought i was in the clear

2005-09-05T23:12:00.000-04:00

from an earlier conversation on msn...

ate bheng: so, can i show you some pictures?
me: sure. what are they of?
ate bheng: my nephews. i want to introduce you to them. two are 24, and have just finished univeristy; one is 26 and already a professional.
me: oh, that's nice. where are they now?
ate bheng: in the philippines. i saw them while i was there. i want you to decide after you see their pictures.
me: decide on...?
ate bheng: which one you want.
me: what?
ate bheng: they're looking for nice girls to be introduced to right now, so i want you to pick who you like.
me: er.
ate bheng: i'm just joking :o)
me: are you really?
ate bheng: well, no.

... yeesh.

happy september!

2005-09-02T23:49:00.000-04:00

2 (almost 3) days into the month - sorry there, september. i almost didn't see you there :oP

once again my schedule is packed with enough healthy craziness to keep me on my toes. and as september gradually unveils a new season, my body welcomes autumn by inviting the cold virus over for a germ-party in its honour and wastes no time in doing the mexican hat dance on my immune system. yep, i'm sick to the point where i'm now on my third box of kleenex and have officially lost my ability to breathe out of both nostrils... ugh.

however, i take partial blame for not taking better care of myself over this past week. spending the past couple of days with 21 overly-energetic girls under the age of 15 on an overnight retreat at the j-sisters' pad in brampton gave way to a number of sleepless nights, various messes and concoctions made in the kitchen, lots of high-pitched screams and giggles, various sing-alongs to avril lavigne and the bangles, a late-night sugar spree with hot chocolate and timbits, few (read: a lot of) reminders that it's not nice to run in the house; and of course, a beautiful array of good times. thankfully, the girls were well-behaved and didn't completely tear up the place, even though the sugar high didn't subside until 4am... :oP

ggn 2005 (thanks for the pic, jasiel!)

our theme this year was "the beauty within", and it was such a blessing how much these kids wanted to participate and learn. what really surprised me was how much they were into the message, profusely writing down notes and freely asking questions, hanging on every word that exited my lips. i was actually pretty taken back at the amount of discussion we had, and at the same time saddened at how most of these girls, especially at such young ages, already had huge insecurities about themselves... and yet, they were still willing to be completely open about them. i guess insecurity doesn't really depend much on an age requirement... perhaps even more so if you're a girl. but what really gave me warm fuzzies was how most of the girls showed so much genuine appreciation for the topic and left the place inspired with an evident sense of hope and feeling a little better about themselves... *sigh* what an amazing feeling to know that you've touched the life of at least one person... to say the least, my heart overflowed.

'twas an amazing 2 days. a lot was said, much was learned, few tears were shed, and all were praised for - enough for me to see that all our blood, sweat, and sacrifice of sleep were definitely all worth it in the end.

He is good, indeed.

here's to a great beginning to a new month...

and then there are some opportunities that are indeed worth waiting for...

2005-08-26T03:12:00.000-04:00

as of 5pm today (now yesterday), i have rejoined forces with the elite members of the happily employed. as of next monday, i will be officially working as a core teacher for oxford learning centres in oakville.

i'll be spending 4 days a week teaching everything from beginner french (ooh la la!) to intermediate math (yikes!) to a teaching audience of up to 4 students per hour-session, stretching from grades 1-12. overwhelming? sure. but there was a surprisingly good vibe felt right when i walked through the door for my interview this afternoon, and the people there seemed quite genuine and laid back, which was such a nice change for once. of course, it may have also helped a little that one of the directors who interviewed me was also an alumnus of good ol' u o' dubbya :oP and as if i wasn't completely sold on the position already, the kids i met today were so ridiculously adorable that they eventually (read: ultimately) helped sucker me into taking the job right on the spot. and having the job in oakville? well, that's just a hop, skip, and a 20-minute jump from the 'saugs. :o)

it's a small gig, i know - that is, compared to the glitz and glam of previous uw co-op experiences that completely spoiled me throughout my undergrad years, but i have a good feeling that this opportunity will be one extremely worthwhile in the longrun. besides, not only do i get to teach, but i also get to sing happy catchy songs about grammatical elements and vowel constuctions with my students too - now really, what more could this particular english major possibly ask for? :oP

edit: and as for japan, after much consideration, i declined and said "sayonara" to my offer.

i now have a newfound respect for microsoft interns

2005-08-24T15:13:00.000-04:00

there are just simply no words i can say... just this:

http://internz.org/Video2005
(63 meg version highly recommended :oD)

rohit, i'm so proud to be considered your friend *happy tear* :oP

back on canadian soil

2005-08-22T23:45:00.000-04:00

philippines, mahal ko ito... (fort san pedro, iloilo)

home again, home again, jiggity jig... and just like that i'm back from the philippines - it astounds me how a month just completely whizzed by without really noticing it. i was supposed to arrive on saturday afternoon, but because of our flight delay, the bunch of us were stranded in vancouver for a night. we finally touched down in ontario at around 3:30pm yesterday afternoon.

so much for blogging during my trip (oops!) :oP now i'm left with far too much to say, and far too jetlagged to write. maybe this time i'll let the pictures do more of the talking :o) just click here and here for a very lengthy but amusing pictoral play-by-play :o)

this trip wasn't exactly the relaxing getaway i pictured it to be, but it was wonderful to see family that i haven't seen in 9 years, and even more overwhelming (in a good way) to see how much they've all grown since the last time i saw them, and how most (if not all) of them already have their own lives now, settling down with their own families, getting married, working full-time jobs, and all that other good stuff that makes life pleasurable and meaningful :o)

all in all, it was an amazing trip; one that was definitely full of memories, awesome times, a dang good load of food, and a smorgasbord of stories to tell... but maybe perhaps at a time when i'm more in tune with the hours of the day and the days of the week :oP

but as much as i miss the the family reunions, the tropical breeze in my hair, my toes sinking in the white sand, shopping and eating for pennies, the karaoke channel(s) on tv, and of course, the sincere hospitality of the islands, it's pretty nice to be back home :o)

mabuhay!

2005-07-27T01:53:00.000-04:00

well, after a very tiresome 20+ hours of travelling, stopovers and plane rides, we all finally arrived in iloilo, philippines on monday afternoon. since then it's been extremely busy, and the attempt to balance over a gazillion things under the influence of jetlag has become quite the surreal experience.

i love being back here, though. there's definitely more of a modern influence to the already-urban parts of the area, but still not much has changed around my mom's neighborhood, at least from what i remember from 9 years ago. we arrived in the middle of rainy season, so the climates have been pleasantly nice during our day excursions. the streams of jeepnies and surrounding tropical goodness has really put me at ease, and fortunately my ability to speak ilongo has surprisingly gone into full throttle since we got here - i haven't offended anyone just yet :o) we haven't done too much sightseeing since we arrived, mainly because we've gone straight into prep mode for my cousin's wedding, and will be doing so till the big day this saturday. but so far, the excitement has been keeping us on our toes with dress fittings, decoration-making, and figuring out creative ways to accomodate a guest list of 500 people without getting washed out by the floods... oh yeah, and we've been walking around in ankle-high water since yesterday night - it's around 2pm right now, and the rain has been non-stop since 6pm yesterday. good times! :o) the basement of my mom's house has been temporarily turned into a swimming pool by the kids, and the street outside has been transformed into a canal overnight. the fun never stops though, and it's been one interesting adventure after the other.

haven't really got much else to write at the moment, and my time is running out at this internet cafe my brother and i stumbled upon while waiting for the family to finish up planning the menu for the wedding... but once things really start picking up, hopefully i'll be able to write something more interesting!

oh, and just a side note to my girls back home: i also couldn't help but notice the number of quite attractive young men in the vacinity ;o)

miss y'all back home!

philippines or bust... but preferably the first option :o)

2005-07-23T09:00:00.000-04:00

remember that opening scene in Home Alone where the mccallister family is in a complete frenzy running around the house the morning of their flight, desperately trying to get everything together up to the last minute?

this is current state of my household at the moment... of course, with the exception that our alarm clocks actually did go off when they were supposed to, and with the addition of a mother and a couple of aunts squeezing in last-minute dye-jobs and a full-blown breakfast production before we head off to the airport in just a few hours. meanwhile, daddy is continually making his rounds to the airport and back, dropping off box after box, luggage after luggage. yep, it's crazy around these parts, but the insanity of it all definitely raises the excitement factor in going.

a few hours spent on a couple of planes, and then it's 4 weeks of authentic filipino food and quality family reunions all around - all happening in the midst of tropical wonderment. even the fact that it's rainy season over there doesn't seem to phase me much :oP not really sure what to expect, as i'm leaving 70% of the itinerary to my family, but i'm hoping to get back into the habit of writing - the temporary lack of anything ontario-like and the predicted increase of ripe and green mango shake intake should be able to inspire some of my creative juices to flow... defintely looking forward to catching a few philippine sunsets by the beach too :o)

not really sure how often i'll be online in the next month, but i'll try to keep up with my adventures in the homeland as much as i can.

wish y'all were all coming with me!

until the next post, ciao for now! ;o)

and so the countdown begins...

2005-07-19T22:58:00.000-04:00

it's been a tad chaotic since sunday night... unpacking from camp, doing hoards of laundry, last-minute shopping for the bare necessities, tying up loose ends before i leave, more packing, taping up boxes, realizing that we've gone over 30 kilos to which then another unpacking session was called for, figuring out wedding stuff; and omigoodness, it's only tuesday - and my living room has somehow transformed itself into a warehouse of boxes. to walk through the living room is an obstacle on its own, but the climbing and squeezing around has been rather good for my agility :oP

and on a very productive note, it seems as if my english major skills have once again resurfaced long enough for me to finish two speeches in one night, including my maid of honour speech for my cousin's wedding reception - and for someone who doesn't know anything about the bride except for her name (of which i'm sad to admit that even the spelling of it appears rather hazy in my head at the moment), the finished product came out to be a a pretty polished, sentimental and well-thought out piece of work, if i do say so myself :o) i figure as long as i sound eloquent and fabulous enough, i'll get by. after all, it's all about the delivery, right? a few tears, a few winks, a few batting of the lashes, a few colloquial giggles, and i'm all set ;oP

man, the reality of it hasn't fully hit me yet, but as the day grows closer and closer, the more i'm getting excited to go. it's been a whopping 9 years since i've visited the philippines, and people have been warning me of the changes - one of them, i'm rather disappointed to say is that the farm that used to be across the street from my mom's house where i used to chase cows around when i was little was replaced not too long ago by rows and rows of university residences. poops. i was looking forward to chasing cows again, but perhaps it just wasn't in the cards for me this time around. :oP

4 sleeps left till saturday... should be interesting :o) now that the speeches are out of the way, my next challenge is to figure out a well-organized and non-violent way of attempting to fit my entire universe into one suitcase :oD

you said it, chuck!

2005-07-19T09:30:00.000-04:00

...I believe that the world is looking for a few good men. Not simply men in uniform who will defend our country's freedom or respond in emergencies, but men who will live every day clothed with noble character, integrity, and a willingness to lay down their lives for what is right. Men who can laugh, love, and lead; men who are tough enough to stand against evil; men who are tender enough to listen and learn; men who are strong enough to weep unashamedly.

-- an excerpt taken from Chuck Norris' foreword in Every Man's Challenge by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker

a gagillion mosquito bites later...

2005-07-17T22:13:00.000-04:00

i'm back home again - a tad itchy, a little bumpy, a whole lot darker, and very much blessed. this past weekend was our church family retreat, held at the KOA Campgrounds in Barrie. after several long months of continuous planning, freaking out, and hardcore praying over this retreat, it's a little surreal coming to terms that it's finally over. it's been quite the whirlwind of a weekend, but 'twas one to remember, and also one church family retreat that was very rewarding and impactful for everyone that attended.

hfbc family camp staff 2005 (i am incredibly indebted to these phenomenal people!) with our guest speaker, pastor nelson estrada, and his wife, mitzie

while the rest of the camp is at play, the camp staff is bbqing away - and i of course, am taking pictures and... um, "supervising" ;o)

even with the fickle weather, everyone still enjoyed themselves and remained enthusiastic throughout the full 3 days - the amount of enthusiasm was actually more than i had anticipated, which was quite wonderful to see coming out of everyone.

and even with the rain, the campers were still all smiles :oD

our theme this year was "the amazing race", inspired by acts 20:22-24 - a good reminder that life is short and opportunites pass us by if we don't pay close enough attention to them. there was just the right balance of free time and "God" time. the worship and fellowship were awesome, and though it wasn't blantantly obvious, God was moving throughout the entire duration of the retreat.

i admit, i was a little (read: a heck of a lot) hesitant about taking on the responsibilities of being camp director this year, especially with all the different elements and changes i knew i would be bringing into the scene, which were in some ways a little drastic from the traditional way the camp was normally run, but i am indeed thankful that everyone was so open to it all. there's also the slight factor that for the most part, i litrerally had no idea what i was doing or getting myself into. but i suppose that's when having a huge chunk of faith helps :o) - faith that things would eventually fall into place as they should, and faith in and from my committee that we would see this whole thing through together, which was certainly a blessing and encouraging all on its own.

portrait of complete calm nature... um, sure? ;oP

it's amazing really what a little change can do - this weekend i've seen change bring out rather fascinating sides of people i never really knew existed - give filipinos a reason to lip synch, and anything is possible :oP it was definitely a nice change to see so many new shining stars among the group for once. hopefully this camp won't be the last time we see them come out of their shell!

... the things i make these poor innocent people do: team lip synch competition

noah unleashes the rapper within... ;o)

all in all, a fabulous weekend full of awesome worship, good laughs to last a lifetime, great insight, a myriad of new memories, and fantastic fellowship! :o)

... if i ever see another nametag again, it'll be too soon.

2005-07-11T22:31:00.000-04:00

today consisted of spending the majority of it at home, cramping and sitting in front of a laminating machine; patiently watching and waiting as 97 3x5 white index cards made their way in and out... and yet, a part of me found it quite amusing and even somewhat therapeutic.

how sad.

seems like i've taken one too many responsibilities yet again. we've been planning our church camp for the past several months now, and before this week, i was a little worried that no one would want to go. final tally of campers that me and my committee are accountable for: 95. answered prayer? yes, of course, but now i'm onto the next challenge, which is trying to figure out what i'm supposed to do with all those people for 3 whole days :oP and leave it to the last week before the actual camp for things to start falling apart - yeesh. however, trying to maintain a positive attitude and keep my determination to persevere, i am ready to expect the unexpected and deal with whatever comes my way... but sometimes i think i should probably consider more the option of saying "no" to handling one too many things at once - a habit that i've never really been able to really grasp. will i ever learn? highly doubtful.

in the meantime, what is actually helping me maintain some of my sanity this week are happy thoughts of lying across the white sands of boracay beach, philippines, and indulging myself with the smell of fresh ocean air. *sigh* just think, in a couple of weeks, i'll be on a plane headed for tropical paradise. and in response to that, i let out a very dreamy and dazed wooooooooooot.

but as for tomorrow's agenda, i plan on moving from laminating bliss to photocopying goodness.

... must... get... through... this... week...

and among other things...

2005-07-09T17:26:00.000-04:00

1) happy 20th birthday to my little brother! hard to believe that he's no longer a teen. the same little boy that once struggled to reach up to my elbows is no longer "little" anymore. wowsers.

2) i received a fairly big package in the mail the day i came back from montreal... the thickness of the envelope hinted that a huge opportunity was waiting for me inside. opening the rather large package confirmed it. i got the offer to teach in japan next year. now it's just a matter of figuring out whether i still want it or not.

... and yet another decision is added to the excessively growing pile.

*sigh*

the sisterhood of the travelling pant...ies?

2005-07-09T15:18:00.000-04:00

yep, that's what we decided to call ourselves during our 4-day roadtrip to montreal - has a pretty nice ring to it, really. and appropriately enough, certain circumstances that we encountered throughout our whole trip always seemed to somehow reflect our group name... :oP

the adventures commenced on monday morning, where we drove the long journey to montreal... but to pass the time, we managed to go through a hoard of cds and ipod playlists to keep ourselves happy, including our "sisterhood of the travelling panties" soundtrack c/o jasiel, of which we grooved to such memorable tunes as "here comes the hot stepper" (MUUUHHHRRDDDARAAAH!) and other various 90s selections :oP - and if that wasn't working, we'd make charlene gesture passing truck drivers to toot their horns, for which we were able to score a nice 6/7 toots :o).

upon arriving in montreal, the myriad of one-way streets almost made us cross-eyed, but after finally finding decent parking, we were able to find our pleasantly-surprising mansion of a dorm-apartment at the UQAM campus, on the corner of rene-levesque and sanguinet.

and yes... we even made t-shirts :oP

ahhhh yes, montreal - where the people speak français and are eager to help out any tourist in despair, the pedestrians are just as insane as the drivers, and where the old and the new co-exist in a harmonious array of beautiful architecture.

residences @ UQAM

on the corner of rene-levesque and sanguinet

jasiel in the living room of our dorm-apartment @ UQAM

us in old montreal

and as expected, the jazz festival blew us away - so many talented people perfoming at the same time gave way to some (read: a lot) of indecisiveness, but we managed well enough. and being the cost-efficient savvy women that we were, we decided to stick to most of the free concerts (although we came slightly close to forking out the money to see k-os in concert, but lucky for us he was scheduled after we had gone home). annie sellick was a crowd favourite this year, with her deep, sultry, haunting voice - her rendition of "where is love" from Oliver Twist was one that gave me goosebumps. quite amazing... oh, and i think i'm going to seriously consider taking up jazz piano after hearing her accompanist tickle the ivories :oP

la place au jazz

us with the impeccable annie sellick

i think we probably lost a whopping load of calories from all the walking we did, and as an added bonus, i am proud to say that i didn't fall down any mountains this year :oP

other highlights included once again trekking up the steps of the st. joseph's cathedral, cooking amidst the smell of burning and thick curtains of smoke (...oops), indulging ourselves in montreal-bagel-goodness, walking down st. laurent at night and being extremely scared and freaked out doing it, accidentally letting our eyes gaze upon some naked french guy who purposely neglected the fact that his window was open the whole time he was prancing around the appartment across from us (yikes!); acknowledging the "princess" inside and treating ourselves to a true montreal salon experience (and DANG we looked good :oD); making good use of our spare time by having rolling-office-chair-marathons in our unexpectedly ridiculously huge apartment, the homeless guy who followed us halfway home that kept insisting we were chinese and told us "don't be sorry, just give me some change! God will punish you if you don't give me money", while shaking at least $5 in change right in front of our faces; admiring the gorgeously detailed architecture of notre dame and all of old montreal; and of course, just completely losing ourselves in a gazillion laughing/giggling sprees.

mmmmmmmm... bagels!

jasiel and jake @ st. joseph's cathedral

jake and i hiding out @ st. joseph's cathedral

me and jasiel pretending to be all "haute-couture" :oP

the sisterhood at their finest :o)

i really couldn't have asked for a more fabulous 4-day escape. it was exactly the the kind of break that i needed to rejuvenate my entire mind and body, and fully recharge my batteries. and nothing could have been better than spending it with 3 lovely ladies whom i love so dearly. it was quite the ride, but i think that this road trip somehow managed to bring us even closer to each other than we already were, which was absolutely wonderful, and very much appreciated.

WOOT!

happy birthday, canada!

2005-07-01T23:46:00.000-04:00

proud to be canadian:

me, jasiel, charlene

"we even got our faces branded, eh?"

i think that in one day we actually managed to somehow hit at least 5 different places and take an unexpected scenic route all over the GTA in the process. but the weather was gorgeous, the breeze was wonderful, and i got to spend the day with some fabulous people.

the day went a ~~little~~ lot something like this:

the initial plan was to meet at the ferry docks of toronto's centre island on the corner of queen's quay and bay street, and eventually take the ferry over and end up watching the fireworks from the island.

once we found parking however, we then figure that since the fireworks show was actually going to be at ontario place, it would probably make more sense to watch the fireworks there.

after driving along lakeshore west and paying the $10 parking fee, we then had yet another change of heart that was shortly aroused by the realization that we didn't want to pay the $30+ cover charge at ontario place. as a result, we then found ourselves driving further east, and attempted to find parking at ashbridges park.

after scouring the parking lots, and literally driving figure eights around the park grounds, we soon fell in despair of not being able to find a parking space.

charlene then suggests that we try thomson park instead, which was actually even further east into scarborough and didn't necessarily have a fireworks show run by the city; but had much bigger chance of finding decent parking, with the added bonus of a petting zoo.

suddenly enchanted by the idea of being able to touch animals, and a few dozen games of cell phone tag afterwards, we excitedly made our way along brimley road and finally parked our cars at thomson park, where we enjoyed a typical filipino picnic. while others around us broke out the barbeque skewers and the hamburgers; we broke out the pancit (filipino noodles), the fried rice (with chopped up hot dogs), the spicy chicken (which was rather messy but delectably scrumptious); and of course, the casava cake... mmmm.

once we finished lunch, we waited around at the park, tried to get as much free canada day memorabilia as we could, and then decided to pack our things up by 2:30pm.

next stop: our friendly neighborhood tim horton's, where we gladly indulged ourselves with ice caps galore. :o)

and finally, what canada day celebration would be complete without a viewing of National Treasure over pizza and wings, and a whole lotta wholesome home-karaoke goodness... in north york?

... apparently not ours :oP

and the best part was that we got to catch the last bit of fireworks on the drive home :o) 'twas quite the adventurous day. good times, indeed!

happy canada day, folks!

it's raining, it's pouring...

2005-06-29T15:45:00.000-04:00

there's something nostalgically wonderful about being caught in the rain. it was delightful splashing around from puddle to puddle, feeling the raindrops squish against the thongs of my flip flops and in between my toes.

i miss those kiddy-like moments. perhaps i should consider making them more of a priority when i still have the time to enjoy it all.

freud would have really had a field day with this one...

2005-06-28T22:13:00.000-04:00

now, i know that i've had some pretty weird and scary dreams in the past, but i think the one i had this morning was pretty high up there in terms of scary-factor:

this dream took place in the far future... and for some apparent reason which i couldn't quite figure out in the dream, robocop (yes, THE robocop) was chasing after my dad and i in an attempt to kill us in our very own house (which actually still pretty much looked the same as it does now, except completely in shambles due to post-robocop rampage). throughout most of the dream, my dad and i screamed at the top of our lungs as we ran through falling debris and down crumbling stairs, desperately trying to escape from the continuous lazer-bullet-type gunfire.

we had finally reached a safe haven behind these large steel crates (because for some odd reason, over the years we had accumulated a huge collection of them in our house), and took cover for a brief moment or two. suddenly my dad pulls out this gargantuan lazer-bullet gun and begins shooting directly at me, with a rather disturbingly cheery disposition on his face. blood was spurting everywhere, except, i just wouldn't die. being the genius that i was (and still am) i instantly figured out that it was my determination and perseverance to live that prevented me from dying (of course! ... *shaking head*) and instead of dying, i kept yelling and begging him to stop shooting at me. and magically out of the gunsmoke, a lazer-gun had miraculously found itself in my own grip, giving me the opportunity to shoot back at my dad, who also for some freak reason wouldn't die.

... and just when things couldn't have gotten any worse, my dad suddenly morphed into robocop himself.

the last time a dream had scared me to the point of tears was when i was 10. i had dreamt that my mother had turned into a buldozer-steamer-machine-shaped monster that was on a one-track mission to flatten me, and in the process, somehow managed to turn the rest of my family into blood-thirsty vampires. :oS

i remember waking up this morning in a cold sweat, frantically worrying while i checked my entire body for bullet-lazer wounds, tears continuously streaming from my eyes. i then hid under my blanket and forced myself to think of happy non-violent-robocop-affiliated things...

of course, after telling my parents about my dream this evening, it didn't help very much when my dad thought that it would be rather cute to pretend to shoot me with make-believe guns that he made with his fingers, complete with imitated lazer-sound accompaniment.

... to say the least, i found it pas drole. yeeesh.

a christian lounge? what a nifty idea!

2005-06-26T01:41:00.000-04:00

in celebration of jacrise's 19th birthday, we found ourselves here:

it was your typical classy lounge setting, but with a heavy christian twist - a number of elements had to come into play in order to create a particular ambiance to the club atmosphere: 1) there was a pretty strict dress code in effect (no runners, no hats, no tank-tops for guys OR girls, and no frayed or torn jeans); 2) the bar only served a limited array of pop, juice, and water - whatever alcohol that *was* in sight was locked away behind the bar; and 3) (and most important and impactful) there was an amazing abundance of inspirational talent that overflowed onstage - a huge variety of music that covered everything from rap, to hip hop, to jazz, to latin groove, to spoken word, to reggae, to RnB, and of course, a whole lotta soul. being a first-timer, i wasn't disappointed at all - and unlike some clubs and lounges i've been to, it was actually worth the $10 cover charge :oP

originally, the whole concept of a "christian club/lounge" was something that i had slight reservations about, not really knowing what to expect out of it. but it was actually a welcomed change from the typical club/lounge environment i'm normally used to. right from the get-go you could immediately tell that this was not just an ordinary lounge. what really made all the difference was that before getting started with the show, the host initiated everyone in a word of prayer - definitely not something you'd normally see happen at an average lounge, but i appreciated everything that made the whole experience as unique as it was. the diversity in worship that each of the performers gave through their music was awesome, and it was actually pretty interesting to see people really move (yes, as in dance and get funky with their good selves ;oP) to christian music. even us girls were able to slip in a little salsa groove when the opportunity came :o) loved it!

surprisingly, one of the performers that was on the list was an extremely talented girl by the name of chisoni who was a fairly close high school friend of mine that i hadn't seen or kept in touch with for over 5 years. but just the same as in high school, her voice completely blew me away tonight. it was really nice to catch up.

'twas a great night for celebration, friendly fellowship, wonderful worship, feelin' the vibe, bopping the night away, reuniting with great people, and of course, making good use of my brand new digital camera by taking a crazy poop load of pictures :oP

highlights from tonight:

feelin' the groove

me and the birthday girl

the divas of woodlands: me and chisoni :oP

girls shot :o)

the we're-stuck-in-a-concrete-fence shot

what a funk-tastic night! *sigh* really, during times like these, all that's really left to say is, "i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat." ;oP

just because we could.

2005-06-22T00:43:00.000-04:00

... poor bessy.

feels like co-op all over again... ish.

2005-06-21T22:38:00.000-04:00

i spent the entire morning in downtown toronto, in a rather intense 3 hour-long interview, complete with a thorough group information session, a written grammar and scenario-based multiple choice/essay test which in turn may have actually short-fused a couple more brain cells than i would have liked; followed by a very detail-specific one-on-one session.

usually, i can tell a bad interview from a good interview. but for some reason i felt that things ended off on a slightly ambiguous note this afternoon, leaving me with a series of mixed emotions as i exited the building - a concoction of feelings that led me to second-guess this whole decision to go to japan. but i suppose we'll see what happens in a week or so.

... and so the waiting game begins.

estelle gonzales: from graduand to graduate...

2005-06-16T23:05:00.000-04:00

another chapter is over. another blog begins.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

today was convocation. sitting patiently in my chair for 3 grueling hours of speeches and a couple hundred students receiving their degree before me gave me ample time to reflect on the 5 year-long journey that is - now was - my undergrad career at the university of waterloo.

i remebered first setting foot on university campus 5 years ago, as a very naive, bright-eyed and vulnerable frosh with the bittersweet taste of newly-given independence in my mouth. i had embedded in my mind that attending university would allow me the opportunity to re-invent myself... but while sitting there among the other graduates this afternoon, i realized that my university years didn't really give much room for re-invention, but rather gave me the 5-year chance to define and even more so refine what was already there to begin with.

to believe that it's all come to a close now seems somewhat surreal - even till now, a significant part of me hasn't completely come to terms with all the hoopla just yet. and as much as i hate to admit it, i know i'll miss waterloo - everything from the amazing friends i've made, to the inspirational profs who actually took the time to encourage and push me to the limit, along with the nazi-like profs that scared the heebeegeebees out of me (names will not be mentioned, but most of you know who i'm talking about! all i can say is that i will never read thomas hardy the same way again! :oS); to even the familiar poo-scent that gives waterloo its unmistakable character - all of it will always be a part of me.

... and yes, even the drama ;o)

initially, the thought of attending convocation didn't strike me as something i wanted to do on my on free will (originally, my mom wanted it more than i did :oP). but i'm actually pretty glad that i went. and hey, 'twas a great feeling to know that the blood, sweat, and tears that were shed during all those all-nighters writing essays and reading over a plethora of poems, epic novels, shakesperean plays, post-colonial wonderment, and critical theories were actually all worth something in the end. :o)

so after all that's been said and done in the past 5 years of my undergrad career at waterloo, i let out a huge sigh of relief and look forward to embracing the uncertainty that will unfold after today.

hats off to the graduating class of 2005! :o)